Why You Shouldnβt Compliment Weight Loss
Body shaming and criticism of someoneβs appearance is damaging in an obvious wayβ we all know better than to make mean comments about peopleβs bodies. Likeβ¦duh, right?
Wellβ¦what if I told you that sometimes itβs the COMPLIMENTS you give that can do harm?
Weβve all done it, myself included. βOMG you look so skinny!β and βWow, have you lost weight?β may be intended as compliments in this diet culture society we live in, but the impact can be quite different.
Better Safe Than Sorry
If you donβt know whatβs going on personally and emotionally with that person, so anyone youβre not THISCLOSE with, youβre better off avoiding body commentary all together. Itβs a catch 22: if the weight loss was intentional, youβre sending the message that the way their body looked before was unacceptable and are basically body shaming them in reverse. If the weight loss wasnβt intentional, if theyβre going through a trauma or grieving period that caused it, you could be intensifying that pain.
Itβs perfectly possible your loved one feels pride in their body as it currently is, and lives for it being noticed! Iβd say thatβs a pretty normal desire in a fat-phobic world with a narrow minded beauty ideal. However, since intentional weight loss is often a result of unsustainable dieting, restriction and even exercising to an extent they no longer even enjoy it, if this weight is not within the range of their predetermined genetic blueprint or set point, theyβll gain it back. Sometimes our βgoal weightβ and our healthiest weight are very different. All diets fail eventually, because our bodies canβt tell if your calorie restriction is because youβre following Keto or Whole30 and just thinks youβre in a famine. Making a big deal about glorifying their smaller self can ultimately make them feel shame around whatβs potentially actually the healthiest for them.
In my experience, as an eating disorder survivor, it was the unsolicited praise and positive feedback about my body size (when I was ill) that worked to reinforce the disordered eating and exercise behaviors I was engaging in more than any choreographerβs disdain for larger bodies.
Conclusion
No matter how close we are with someone, we donβt always know whatβs going on in their head, and they may not have communicated to you that theyβre struggling (or even realize that they are). This doesnβt mean you canβt compliment your friends- Iβm a big fangirl of unexpected compliments- and bonus points for when itβs a strangerβ it can make that personβs whole day! Instead of complimenting body size- stretch your imagination a bit and try to compliment something that doesnβt have to do with their body size- I made this list of non body compliments if you need inspiration!
Exercising mindfully and intuitively will help increase your own sense of body satisfaction by affirming your own sense of strength. Try Helen Phelan Studio for 10 days free to start healing your relationship with exercise.