How To Model Conscious Positive Body Image to Kids
Full disclosure, Iβm not a mom, and Iβve never been pregnant. So, take my advice here with that caveat.
What I am, is a daughter.
One of my earliest memories of my mother, is in the dressing room at TJ Maxx (she taught me the joy of bargain hunting early on) trying on bathing suits. She brought about 10 different black one pieces (in hindsight, wow, chic.) and about a million queen size blanket sized sarongs into the dressing room. Out of boredom, I crawled under the door while she was still changing (sorry I was such a hyperactive handful, Mom!) and went to go find some βfunβ clothes for her to try on. I came running back, breathless, with a yellow bikini with big, bright flowers on it. Before she could even scold me for disappearing, she scoffed, βIβm too fat for thatβ.
Now, to be perfectly clear, this didnβt cause my future eating disorder. The older I get, watching my friends and clients parent, the more clearly I can see she did the absolute best she could. This was a tiny, unconscious moment that my mom probably never thought twice about, and Iβll bet wonβt remember until she reads this- which she definitely will. At which point, sheβll over-apologize profusely and Iβll have to remind her that I know sheβs human, (Mom! I love you and I know youβre human!).
What it WAS, was my first demonstration that women should feel bad about or hide their bodies, and that there was a specific type of beauty to aspire to. The thin part was obviously communicated and the white, cisgender, able bodied part was more through the complete absence of exposure to anything else in media. Early childhood psychology and neuroscience says that much of what happens between ages 0-7 shapes how we see the world. There are many actual parents and resources more qualified than me to speak on the subject, but given that I talk about how to reframe our own approach to movement and our bodies, I wanted to share a few ideas to get comfortable sharing it with the children in your live.
Quick Start Guide to Embodying Positive Body Image for Children
Observe your own belief system around beauty, body image, movement, assigning values like βcleanβ or βdirtyβ to food, self worth as it relates to looks, and what your definition of health is. Awareness is the hardest part, because every single person in modern life is conditioned to have all sorts of ideas about these things that donβt necessarily contribute to positive mental health.
Kids are naturally intuitive. Encourage them to listen to their bodyβs hunger cues and eat to complete satiation. Encourage nutrient dense, nourishing foods, but allow ALL foods. Let them know eating for pleasure is just as valid as eating for fuel.
Talk up the joyful parts of movement that donβt have to do with appearance. Model a fitness practice that you look forward to, enjoy, and have fun with. Resenting or dreading exercise will show them itβs a punishment, not a reward.
Watch the way you talk about others, and yourself. Donβt put your body or otherβs bodies down in front of them, (while youβre at it, be a little nicer to yourself in general). Vocalizing your own predisposed judgments not only invites your child to follow suit- but it also teaches them that appearances are more valuable than character and to feel an unfulfillable pressure to find worthiness .
Additional resources:
National Eating Disorder Association on Developing and Modeling Body Image
How To Talk To Kids About Racism As Explained By A Psychologist